Reviews (Part 1)

(is this going to be a problem?)

It’s been three weeks and three days since my son Hugo’s dual liver and kidney transplant, and he is doing so well!! I am relieved and exhausted and endlessly, eternally grateful. Thanks to everyone who sent well wishes. You are very appreciated!

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I woke up the other day/morning/evening in my son’s hospital room (a place where time is meaningless) to an email informing me that the digital ARC of Tell Them You Lied was available on NetGalley. My first book baby, though still 7 months pre-publication, officially out in the world. A strange feeling came over me—pride and fear and hope all knotted together.

But I was preoccupied. Hugo was just 4 days post-transplant at the time, doing very well but still in a lot of pain. I put my phone away, concerned less about my book’s reception than helping my son begin to move around, to eat and drink, and do all the things he needed to do to come home.

By the following day, he was feeling well enough to sit up and do Legos for several hours. He began walking down the hall, pushing his IV pole all on his own. The pain was improving. The clouds were parting. The sun was peeking out. And my editor sent an update: TTYL had already been requested 115 times on NetGalley. It was surreal and exciting to think that there were strangers out there, uploading my book onto their kindles, and - joy of joys - actually reading it. 

Then I remembered the purpose of NetGalley: Reviews.

When Hugo tired of walking and sitting and snuggled back into bed to watch some idiots do idiotic things on YouTube, I held my breath and signed into NetGalley. 

Lo and behold, I had my first review:

3.5/5 stars, rounded down to 3. The reviewer liked my premise but “wanted more.” 

I started laughing. Hard.

So hard that Hugo broke away from his iPad to ask me what was so funny. I shook my head, nothing. No. It’s just that it’s such a perfect encapsulation of this insane process of publishing a book. You work so fucking hard. You write and plot and edit and revise and think magically; you face rejection and silence and jealousy and fear; and you get this far, finally, right to the edge of your dream, just to have someone who read your book in less than a day shrug and say, “meh.”

The fullcircleness of it struck me as really funny. Most of us writers (unless you are a unicorn, and I have met at least one unicorn—you know who you are!) have such a thick skin by the time we get to this point, whether from workshops or querying or being on sub or all three, that a review from a stranger shouldn’t affect us too much. We know that our books will not and cannot be for everyone. (Don’t we?) We know that some readers will be put off by our swear words or our unlikable characters, and that we cannot please everyone, and we shouldn’t try. (Right?) 

But I couldn’t explain this to a 10 year old looking at me askew from a hospital bed, so I just controlled the giggles and put my phone down. 

For a while.

Hugo was discharged from the hospital just a week after his big surgery—a full week earlier than we’d expected. (All those Legos and YouTube and walking and red slushies do a healing body good.) At home, he rested properly—without PTs and nurses nagging and monitors beeping and the constant drag of IVs.

In the two weeks that followed, I was able to get my brain functioning well enough to complete and send in my first pass pages. (The typeset and formatted pdf, the same version that is currently up for grabs on NetGalley, which you read for errors/small changes/formatting issues.) 

And I had my first Zoom meeting with my new PR team (more on this soon). 

And I formed a hardcore NetGalley and Goodreads habit.

Ooof, this is bad. I know.

I promise I won’t do it forever. (Hopefully, there will be a time where this kind of self-stalking will be unsustainable.) But right now, only about 115 people have access to my book, and I want to know what each and every one them thinks. Even if it’s meh. Even if they hate it (just kidding, I don’t want to hear if you hate it, and I thank the gods no one has actually hated it yet). Because every review means someone cared enough to read what I wrote.

And that is the best feeling in the world.

Anyway, Hugo will soon be back at school, which feels like some kind of miracle, and I will be back to work for real. In the meantime, if any of you wonderful readers have a NetGalley account you can request my ARC here, and if you’re on Goodreads, do me a favor and add it to your shelf!