Let It All Hang Out
On Rejection, Stats, and What Really Matters
In the “By the Book” interview in the New York Times two weeks ago, Janice Y.K. Lee, author of THE EXPATRIATES, talked about about rejection:
“I loved ‘Prep’ by Curtis Sittenfeld so much because it perfectly encapsulated a certain experience of boarding school. When I read that it had initially been rejected by 14 publishers, it strangely gave me hope. I realized that if a book that good could have a problem getting published, all writers might as well just do our thing and let it all hang out. It was very freeing.”
Indeed. What newbie writer doesn’t love to hear that a brilliant author who made it big wasn’t born making it big? It’s not schadenfreude. It’s not jealousy or competitiveness or malice. We seek out stories like Sittenfeld’s because we need something to steady us against the pummeling waves of rejection and doubt.
We cling to them because we don’t know anything.
We don’t know where we stand, how we compare. If our stats normal, how long it should take, when to give up. We don’t know if there is any hope at all.
It is easy (I assume) to talk about rejection when you are Curtis Sittenfeld or Janice Y.K. Lee, when you have bestsellers and film deals under your belt.
But for the rest of us? It’s terrifying.
Logically, I know that you don’t care how many times I heard no before I heard yes—unless you are still hearing no and want assurance that you’re not alone. Yet, even as I type this, the fear remains.
And I’m tired of it.
Keeping each other in the dark about our failures and missteps only perpetuates the misbelief that success just happens. That real writers just do it—the muse lives inside them, their work comes out fully formed, and everyone recognizes its perfection as soon as they read it. This misbelief could have you telling yourself that if it takes a long time and it is hard, you’re not a real writer.
Yes, of course I know that there are 6-way auctions and major deals and break-out best sellers, but I also know that even the ‘overnight successes’ have put a crazy amount of effort into their work just like the rest of us. Because even though it is art, and even though the effort is often invisible, it is still work. No matter how perfect a published novel might seem, there are blood, sweat, tears, and a lot of dead darlings behind those beautiful covers.
Real writers are rejected all the time.
Real writers have to recognize mistakes and backtrack and edit.
Real writers endure.
When I look back at my stats, it occurs to me that the numbers don’t say much on their own. What they do show, however sneakily, is a timeline. More precisely, they show a turning point on that timeline.
I set out my first queries in a batch of ten, then one at a time after that—as soon as I got a no or the time ran out for an agent to respond, I moved it to my rejection pile and sent out another to take its place. If there was any feedback in the rejection, I would note it in my color-coded spreadsheet, and maybe play around with my query. I didn’t do any big edits in those six months—from October 2020 to April 2021.
In April 2021, three things happened. First, I found a serious writing group (I will write more about how I found them next week) who gave me careful and thoughtful feedback on my manuscript. Second, my soon-to-be agent, CeCe Lyra, sent me an R&R, which forced me to slow down and figure out why I was making the mistakes I was making. Third, one of my writing partners introduced me to SAVE THE CAT.
Maybe it was magic that all these things happened at the same time. Or maybe it was chance. Either way, it’s very clear to me now that if I hadn’t paid attention, if I hadn’t paused to consider what I was hearing, TELL THEM YOU LIED would be in a drawer somewhere, forgotten.
If anyone reading this has stats or a rejection story turning point they’re willing to share, please comment below. You’ll be sending out a buoy to someone currently lost at sea!
To end this week’s newsletter, here’s a tiny update on my publishing journey: My editor asked one of my all-time favorite thriller writers to read TELL THEM YOU LIED and possibly write a blurb. My fingers are crossed so tightly I’m afraid of nerve damage. I’m accepting prayers, positive vibes, and magical thinking.
I’ve been querying a true story since 2018. Finally turned into a series of poems - and it worked! Honeymoon Sneakers coming out this spring from Cactus Press!!
I queried a manuscript for YEARS, dozens and dozen of queries written down on yellow legal pads (oh, the hours spent getting each one just "right" for the specific agent) and year after year, dozens of rejections. I finally wrote a different book and queried that for a few more years until a critique partner suggested I rewrite it as a middle grade story. As soon as I did that, I immediately had two interested agents. Only one offered. After a round of submissions to about fifteen publishers, a new editor at Simon and Schuster said MAYBE and eventually - YES. It was one of the very best days of my life. I don't regret all of those years querying and don't believe they were wasted. I was honing my craft, getting better - and found my middle grade voice (which is where I've stayed and LOVE it!) Keep going, everyone :)